I was listening to a meditation by my favorite guru on the Insight Timer app, Davidji. Through Davidji I became a certified Masters of Meditation instructor. He has the gift of drilling very deep in a split second. He has studied with many big names in meditation and ran the Deepak Chopra center before launching his own space 8 years ago.

I recently signed up for his 7 days of Peace, a series sponsored by the Insight Timer app that features 7 days of 20 minute meditations building upon the deepest inner commitments one must make in order to truly free their heart to live in the space of peace. Well….I found my peace disrupted by the need to go even deeper in order to attain true wholeness of my heart. I realized, against my will, I still have a ton of work to do. Thank you Davidji, lol.

The meditation that so deeply impacted me is one about letting go of the past. Davidji states that to let go of the harm and pain someone caused you means you need to let go of being a victim and ask to be forgiven for your part in the hurt.

I share this because releasing the remnants of bitterness from my heart after emotional abuse, is my own personal struggle in this present moment. To fully release past grudges and grievances one must step out of the past. We cannot fully move forward with one foot locked in the past. This makes so much sense as I feel the embers of anger still gripping in the corners of my heart. Those shreds can take root and grow, or you can allow the grip to loosen and they can dissipate, but the remedy is not an easy one. Davidji contends that we must ask ourselves two questions:

1. Am I truly sorry for what happened?
2. Knowing what I know right now, would I choose differently?

If the answer is yes to both questions, you are ready to make peace with the past and truly write your new story. I have listened to this meditation message 4 times and I joined his teacher zoom call today to specifically ask him about this struggle. He spoke to the group of 70 plus teachers, about the importance for our own wellness, to forgive and ask for forgiveness, and I am now writing about it because I need to release this grip for the new year.

As I walk my land, feed my horses, plan out my yoga barn, and collaborate with amazing women on planning retreats, I think, why am I holding onto anger? Why can’t I fully forgive my self and my ex-husband? I am living a life of joy, in nature, and with the desire and ability to share my farm with other women and help them on their healing journeys! What could be better than that, yet I’m still not fully free. I am working hard on fully forgiving and going as deeply as Davidji recommends. It starts with our apologizing and owning our part in the regret. Davidji uses an indigenous Pacific Island mantra that is thousands of years old for healing the heart to be at full peace. In order to do so, we need to own our part in all of our emotional disturbances.

If something terrible happened to you, it was not your fault. But it’s your choice to grip it or release it for your own peace and well-being. Here begins the journey of making peace with yourself at a fully enlightened level. The journey to reconciliation of our hearts begins with:

Remorse first:
Taking responsibilities for your role in the event.
“I’m sorry”

Having humility and bravery even if we are forgiving our own selves. When we forgive we move from victim to transcendor and free ourselves from the ties that bind us.
“Please forgive me”

Being thankful. Show appreciation for and show our thankfulness at the deepest level.
“Thank you”

Our light out of the darkness and has the ability to heal all wounds.
“I love you”

If you answered yes to the two questions, use this mantra while breathing it in and out through long, slow, deep breaths. It is up to us to transform and the only one holding you back is you.

I am currently putting coaching packages together along with combination coaching & wellness retreat packages to support your journey to peace. It is possible if you are ready to embrace a growth mindset. Always feel free to reach out to me for a chat session!


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